This is Me.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm too tempered.

Being the only child, I think I did tend to get my way. And even now at my age I still and probably even worse than younger that I go beyond means to make sure I get what I want.

Like for example, buying my flat wasn't without its difficulties in persuading my parents to part with the cash but in the end, they both feel very happy about it even though they seem to be dead certain against the idea. And it didn't help having family members saying what a bad idea it was too.

I can understand their concerns but goodness I felt this was too good an opportunity to not seize and would leave me with sleepless nights until we at least put in an offer for the flat.

You should all know that I got it. 

But what I'm thinking about is almost how selfish I was in persuading my parents to buy it. I don't think I went in a strop, I know I would have words to say to family members if they had questioned my reasons, and a lot of them for that matter. I could only see buying this flat was a positive thing, and it is but the risks involved didn't even come into my thinking. 

I wanted my own way.

I think I'm a strong minded person, when I set out to do something, I will more than less the time get that thing done. Whatever barriers and constraints, I will with my might smash through them to achieve what I've set out to do.

And you might think what's the problem then? The problem is I'm quite stubborn, if I feel something I'm doing is right, but someone disagree, I really couldn't care, although respect their opinions but continue with what I'm doing. And that's bad.....

A long time ago, a person from a missions team came over to Glasgow and on our way back from camp, this person said to me, Raymond you have a lot of authority around you. You can command a lot from the people around you. To me that meant a nicer way of saying "Your demanding". 

And no one wants to be the demanding bossy type do they?

At that time, I think I was about 13, still stupid, very unintelligent. Didn't know what to do with the comment. But I was assured that it was meant in a good way, and I have taken it in a good way.

But sometimes I wonder, is my "commanding" and "authority" put me in a good light with the people I supposedly have authority over?

What are my friends thinking when I say this and that and that's that?

I do think I have a sort of leader, dominate male thing in me and when going into the unknown, I think I always try put my neck on the line first. I don't fear trepidation.

I'm not the strongest, but I think my willingness gets me through.

And honestly, I feel sometimes I have the last word between my friends...... correct me if I'm wrong.

But yeah.

I need to listen as well as walk on my own way......

PS. I Love You.