For you avid reader, I apologise for the radio silence..

It's not like nothings happened since I last blogged but that I just didn't document it..

But I want to write again because I find writing, whether it be handwritten or typed to be quite therapeutic.

I want to write here because I know it is almost a safe haven where I can share my feelings without it being made into almost public news.

I am going to be explicit.

I think I normally beat about the bush.

But let's not waste your time or mine trying to decipher what I am about to say..



The truth is, there is a yearning in me for someone.

And this person, I've gotten to know a bit during the period that I've been away from home.

She is such a fantastic example of what a great human being ought to be.

Very down to earth, sensitive, caring and the whole lot.

All of her qualities make her so attractive.

Basically, she makes me want to be a better person.

She really is everything and more.



However...

Have I left it too late?

Are we now in the 'friend zone'?

Realistically, would she even consider me?

Especially with my idiosyncrasies and bad humour...

Would I consider me?

These feelings that I have been having are only just beginning to surface..

I've always found her qualities very attractive yet I wasn't interested in her in that way until recently.

I guess the more I hung out with her and the more I knew about her, the intrigue of her deepened.

The more she made me laugh, the more I thought-

She's gotta be in for a shout.



I think I've been careful with how I've conducted myself with her.

I've been nice and all that.

Tried to just be myself and make her and everyone laugh-

Thats me.

But I don't want to give her the sniff that I like her yet..

I don't know when and if I should..


I feel at times that she is someone that is beyond my reach.

I feel at times that something is hindering me from even approaching the subject with her.

I know that this is not the time.

When will it be?

Yet if I don't say now,

will someone else say?

Will someone else get there before me?


I have to admit, it is tough playing this patience game.

It really hurts.

Because like I said, if I don't get in there, someone else could and will.

How could someone else not see and like her qualities....


It really hurts!


Unfortunately, I don't think this is the time just yet..

But could someone make it their time?


Dilemma...


I just hope that by trusting in God's perfect timing and plan for me that He will lead me to the one.

Whether it be her...

or someone else.

This is no April Fool's.

It's real.

PS. I Love You.

Be Content or Be Greedy?

I've had this feeling for a while now.

Ever since I got back from my trip aboard.

Life is greener on the other side....

But is thinking about this an aimless pursuit?

My holiday to Australia was brilliant and I can't recommend going there enough. Even though everything is soooo expensive there, the experiences was great! I had probably the best times of my life, if not definitely best holiday ever. The place was amazing, people were friendly, were relaxed and were easy going. Definitely a different world over there.

Makes me think what it is I like about here?

There isn't much really now that I've seen what the fuss is about.

Apart from it being my home, if I could would I walk away from here?

I've been disheartened by the things around me which in the past I saw past but now I'm beginning to wonder..

Nothing is on par as it is there...

But am I being too greedy?

Am I just unfairly comparing two very different situations?

There's so many pro and cons to both places.

Will pursuing this momentary happiness fix things?

......

......

......

Probably not...

I need another holiday!

Unfortunately the downside to coming home from such a fantastic place is coming home.

If only you can be on your holiday mode all the time it will be great!

If only Glasgow was ever changing so that it looks more modern each time I see it.

But unfortunately it's all drab.

But should I question where I am?

Can I question where I am?

Is pursuing happiness elsewhere the fix to all things?

Should it be?

Regardless of where you are, more than the less of the time your worries and problems will follow you.

Leave them where you are.

Start making your way to Heaven.

PS. I Love You.

An Overdue Insight Into My Life.

So much has changed since I last blogged..

I was actually gonna blog at the end of January to update the people that choose to read this blog of mine which probably there isn't many.

But just haven't been arsed really.

A bit of not much to document on, and a bit of no one really gives a toot.

But to the few people who've asked me why I haven't blogged then this entry is for you.

You know who you are.

So what's happened since the summer of 2010....

Well pretty much this is a negative entry.

There's no laughter here this time round.

Pretty gloomy.

But anyways, as you'll probably know that I am in another country now.

Another time zone.

I say when I go back home and forth, I travel through time because Aberdeen is so 1911, whereas everywhere else is 2011.

It is really that dull here.

Some say I don't venture out much, and that's true I guess.

But when there's nothing to see then why go out?

I've made some friends but they ain't close friends yet like the ones at home.

I've heard from somewhere, from someone that as you get older, the more difficult it is to make friends....

I don't think there is a logically reasoning behind that theory but while I'm up here, it is very true.

I kind of got this feeling that I'm only here to study and friends are secondary but sometimes when you just feel shhh you kinda want a pal to have a laugh with or laugh at.

There's been a few times where in the solitude I feel I just want to breakdown and cry.

You could say I'm not dealing well with being away from home.

I wouldn't go far as to say I can't hack it anymore and I want to go home.

But I certainly wish I had more home comforts here.

But in saying that if I had to do it all again I'd pick studying in Aberdeen over Edinburgh.

Truth is that I've come to like Aberdeen as my place of education.

I don't have a comparison.

I don't know what it's like in Edinburgh, but certainly if I studied in Edinburgh, I'd be able to go home after the days' classes.

Here, I walk literally a minute, two if I walk slowly back to my messy, soul sapping dormitory.

I rather walk the 50 miles between Edinburgh and Glasgow.

There isn't much if anything I like about Aberdeen.

I've not been the best advert for it. Ha

There's no girls at church sighs. Haha.

I don't have a TV here.

It's just a nightmare.

....

But I know that this was God's plan for me.

I don't know what He had in store for me but I hope I am living it up for Him.

I'm not to sure if I'm meant to do His' work or I'm meant to do something for me (as selfish as it sounds, I mean teach myself a thing or two)

I'm certainly feeling that I'm at the point where I need a pick-me-up.

I feel so lethargic and I yearn for this semester to hurry on by so I can fly away for a wee while.

There's no specific reason why I feel like this but rather a combination of things.

The upsides are I've not failed anything so far and I pray that that continues.

I work hard and I push myself to my limits when I want to.

Sometimes to the annoyances of others but when I want something done, it's my way or the highway.

The downsides are that home is so far away.

And that for me is one hell of a downer...

I love going back home when I can but it sucks that it only is a temporary fix from the pain I feel a lot up here.

I've missed out on a few things while I've been up here, nothing major but it would have been nice to just show my face and just been there.

I miss the fun at home.

Feel self-excluded....

But at this moment in time, I wish Summer would hurry up and come.

There's so much work to be done, I really can't take my foot of the gas.

But I need a fill up because my red light is about to come on.

PS. I Love You.

Wherever You Will Go.

Forgive the title of this post.

I'm not sure what to call it.

Should it have been a happy or sad title?

But either way..

The summers gone.

And it signals the beginning of my new beginning...

I've waited for this moment for a long time.

And now that its here.

I kinda wished it was further away.

Someone said it should be easier going rather than staying where all your friends will miss you..

I thought about that and at no point did I think that statement is true either side.

The last couple of months have been a host of farewells to that person and another.

Rather sad to see people leave for other places.

Almost brings/

Almost brought me to tears when they left and the one who's only going down the road.

But I have to be real and face reality.

Kinda what I've been through this year.

Me being here in Aberdeen was not planned for by me at all!

But you know, I just picked Aberdeen in the UCAS form because it was one of the places that offered the course which I wanted to do at the time.

I got rejected from Strathclyde almost immediately.

Really downbeat when I found out.

But the show had to go on.

Because the next day was my first interview for Dundee.

The interview was not how I dreamt it and the interviewer person basically said that I chose the wrong subject.

Great.

Having five choices, I picked all of them same subject.

But different cities.

I realised in hindsight that my naivety got me where I was at that moment in time.

I had very little option in how to proceed thereafter.

Having made all my choices.

I either void them all.

Or ask one of the universities to change my choice of subject.

I took option C which was to ask a university in how I would obtain a place in the course in which I had not applied to..

I basically got a blank wall.

Although the person I liaised with was nice, but the door was closed.

I couldn't get in.

I asked about clearing?

The guy dismissed that opportunity..

I was in disarray.

Do I chance voiding all my choices so I could re-apply but it would have been well past the deadline date.

Or ask Aberdeen to change my application.

But on a Friday night, I got two emails for UCAS saying that a status of my application had changed for one of my choices.

So when I got home, I thought what university had rejected me now..

Robert Gordon in Aberdeen.

They rejected my choice of subject.

But they offered me an unconditional offer for the subject in which the interviewer told me to do.

I was elated!

Before the joyous moment.

I had much soul searching, bang in the head realisation of what I am and what I am capable of.

Thinking back I chose the first choice because I liked the abbreviations after your name you'd get for studying it.

But realistically it was maybe a step too far in terms of my qualifications.

Definitely a bridge too far for what I'd be capable of.

But don't think of this as a setback.

I really ought to have made the course I'm doing now a fallback in my UCAS application but I naively didn't.

Bit arrogant as well.

But all is in hindsight and I live to tell the tale.

The couple of weeks ago, the sermon I heard went a little something like this;

God will take care of you in every eventuality.

If you have a plan B in everything you do, then you are not trusting God with what you do.

I'm sure God lets your plan A prevail from time to time.

But when His plan A isn't according to yours.

He's wins.

And you ultimately have to walk the longer way to your goal.

I think God has placed me here in Aberdeen for a reason.

A reason which I will hopefully found out in time.

In the season where everyone else is moving.

Me being very reluctant at first..

I now relish what He has in store for me.

Although the 'all by myself' bit is kinda sad...

I must brave it.

For He will not give me anything I can not handle.

I miss you.

PS. I Love You.

A(+) Grand Finish

As of yesterday night, I am now able to close a chapter of my life titled;

Graded Unit Hell.

My hiatus from blogging has been because of the arduous roller coaster ride which I unfortunately enrolled myself into in September 09'.

I can't say honestly all my life has been overtaken by it but for sure it was on my close chain of thoughts daily these last few months and especially the last two weeks.

The me was withdrawn from me and turned into an AutoCAD and PhotoShop churning machine.

But it has been worth the sleepless nights.

Because I achieved an A+ for my project.

I am so happy with myself!

Praise God.

Stupid computers not working well, crashes, taking forever to render, Frank not approving your design..

Is all in the past now.

The day couldn't come any faster because there was a point where I couldn't be bothered anymore but obviously I knew that I would be a fool to let it all slip away and settle for any old grade.

But I wanted an A.

I duly delivered.

Last time round when such a project was given to me, I somehow managed to get a B grade.

I don't really know how I managed it because my performance on the project was terrible. I probably only started it at most a month before the hand in date.

And throughout the summer holidays of 09', I was worried about the grade that lay ahead when I return from the Far East.

I remember that when I touched down onto Scottish soil that I was bursting to get home to open up that envelope to see what I had achieved.

Behold a B.

My goodness how did I manage that?

But I wasn't complaining.

I don't think my work was bad.

It's just I could have done so much better I think.

But c'est la vie.

But unfortunately the B grade did affect me later on...

In January I received the news that I had been rejected for application into Strathclyde University to undertake their architectural studies course without interview which would have enabled me to become an architect had I got in.

The night that I had realised this had happened, the following day I had an interview with Dundee University.

I've not had many interviews..

Probably could count how many with my fingers on one of my hands.

But if Carlsberg did interviews for architectural studies in Dundee University then this one wouldn't have been made by them.

It wasn't bad as such, but at the time I felt what a crushing blow.

The interviewer told me my skills are best served in another specialism...

A major rethink of what I'm meant to do with my life...

I think I took the interviewer's opinion onboard very quickly and rather than let the disappointment kill me...

I explored the option that he told me to have a look at.

I phoned.

I looked.

A door was closed.

In hindsight, I was kidding myself!

I am not fancy.

I am straight to the point.

And that is a negative if you want to be an architect.

I felt so stupid for being naive.

But just as things seemed to be at 'could be better' stage

Robert Gordon University of Aberdeen offered me a place onto the architectural technology course.

The course that the interviewer said I'd be most suited for.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I read my UCAS status next to their name.

Unconditional.

I still had three more universities to hear from but my mind had been made.

If I am to pursue further education, it will be in Aberdeen.

Of course it is miles and miles away from where I am.

A totally different country!

But I believe God is telling me to head that way.

There is nothing else for me here.

Jobs suitable for me are as common as the total eclipse.

So I think...

My body is in Aberdeen just now.

My head and heart in Glasgow.

It's hard to contemplate the next chapter of my life but for sure I never shy away from a challenge.

There won't be any trepidation.

I must be bold..

It's mind blowing how everything happens for a reason.

Things you wouldn't expect..

Things you wouldn't want to happen..

But somehow

Things turn out for the best.

And I believe my B grade in my first year Graded Unit has got me where I am today.

And for that I am blessed and thankful.

Anyways....

Let's not get carried away until I get an actual confirmation on a certificate to say that I got an A.

Unfortunately SQA don't do pluses or minuses after the grade.

Let me sleep!

PS. I Love You. my classmates I've met the last two years. All the best with your future.

A Bridge Too Far.

So it came to the boiling point yesterday.

Never has a hand shake been so scrutinised.

And in the end..

You probably know what happened.

I was hoping for a slap or some sort to get my blood boiling.

The villain receiving his dues from his victim.

The ultimate snub.

The least he should be receiving in my opinion.

What am I talking about for you news shy people;

John Terry and Wayne Bridge.

So the story begins when John Terry is found to have had an affair with Wayne Bridge's ex girlfriend, mother of his child, in their house, whilst Bridge's son was in there.

Some say Bridge is overreacting here but the fact that his one time friend Terry had sex with someone whilst his son was in close proximity was enough to tick him over.

And the fact that he is ticked over means Bridge still had feelings for her...

I can understand people with this argument.

But at the end of the day, John Terry did so much wrong than he did right.

First of foremost; He cheated.

What a scum for that!

Footballers get paid millions and millions, and for them to think that they're above the law and morals is a joke.

Look at Tiger Woods and how he has fallen from grace....

I'm not a judge.

I won't be the judge.

But I think I'm qualified enough to say what some people do, is wrong.

Secondly;

Bro before Ho.

It's like a rule within the male population that you shouldn't lay your eyes on someone's else other half.

Even says so in the Ten Commandments.

It's hard.

I know.

I've at times, looked at someone else's girl and wondered.

I've even come to like them more than I should.

But every time, I've had to suppress those feelings because it isn't right.

No matter how much you yearn for her, it won't happen for the duration that person is with another.

So for John Terry to like someone other than his wife..

For me, its so up the wall WRONG.

I sympathise with him to an extent..

But get a grip man.

But what's my point of this entry?

I wonder what the Christian viewpoint is regarding this story.

I've given you a brief background to it if you didn't already know.

I want to focus on the hand shake that wasn't.

Were all taught to love our enemies.

It is one of the hardest Commandments to adhere to.

And if I were in Wayne Bridge's situation, on the pitch, one time friend, betrayer, would I have shaken his hand?

I'd probably not.

I particularly would avoid shaking hands with him because if I did, it would look as if Terry had won the day.

Which he shouldn't win.

Saved his marriage he did.

Fair dos to his wife.

I don't condone divorces.

But when your spouse strays, you lose trust and wonder..

Is marriage even right for me?

Mend it, don't end it.

But I think Bridge will need to bury the hatchet at a later date.

He can't go on snubbing this no good fiend.

We've all made mistakes.

And unfortunately, he hasn't made one at all (in this case) and he is the victim...

The wound is so fresh.

Forgiveness isn't easy.

What would I do....

I don't know.

For sure I hope I won't have to figure that out.

But first and foremost is..

Forgive.

PS. I Love You.

Our Weakest Link.

I was walking to school the other day I saw a large flock of birds rather round this lady who by the looks of things, is their provider.

As in, she threw on the ground some bread crumbs or whatever it may be.

And the day before, I heard a sermon about how if we fixed our eyes on God then everything will turn out fine.

However that's not to say that bad things can't happen.

In everything we do, God will surely be with us.

So with that in mind.

Why is it I worry?

Well easy answer is its human nature to worry.

And the last time I checked, I am a human.

Not worrying about things is easier said than done.

You can take your mind of things for a period of time, but if you don't deal with it at some point, it will come back to haunt you.

Though digging deeper, its all about insecurities and anxieties.

That's why we worry.

I'm going through some at the moment in my life where I feel that a lot of uncertainty is weighing me down.

I have a lot of insecurities,

And lot of anxieties.

I'm the kind of person who takes life day by day.

Yes, I do plan what I want to do tomorrow, next week, next month.

But I haven't been one who looks too far ahead.

I guess sometimes for the surprise of what the new day will bring.

But for the majority, I guess looking too far ahead is maybe a little bit unrealistic.

I sound very pessimistic and I guess it kind of tells you the situation I find myself.

There's time in life where decisions are made and more likely than not, if you make the wrong choice, its very hard to correct.

I've made the bad choices years ago, and live to tell the tale.

But fortunately, I have been able to correct the wrong to an extent thus far.

However not as I would have ultimately hoped for, but I'm sure whatever lessons you learn in life will only make you stronger and wiser.

It's good you can atone for your errors.

I'm doing so right now.

But there's a point where its make or break.

And these coming months until late summer will be my make or break.

I've let my foot of the gas a lot.

But hopefully when my back is against the wall, that I will prevail and ultimately obtain my goal.

In the time of desperation, that I will excel beyond what is required.

Every day counts and I dare not look too far ahead.

Maybe I should because I look towards to a future I hope to have.

But importantly I should look also to the present to make sure I am not deterring away from the future.

What happens today shapes tomorrow.

I wish every new day was really a new day in that we start afresh.

But in saying that, we wouldn't have anything to look forward to if that did happen.

If God takes care of the birds, then He will take care of me,

Of you,

Of us.

But ultimately, worry about today.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

PS. I Love You.