A(+) Grand Finish

As of yesterday night, I am now able to close a chapter of my life titled;

Graded Unit Hell.

My hiatus from blogging has been because of the arduous roller coaster ride which I unfortunately enrolled myself into in September 09'.

I can't say honestly all my life has been overtaken by it but for sure it was on my close chain of thoughts daily these last few months and especially the last two weeks.

The me was withdrawn from me and turned into an AutoCAD and PhotoShop churning machine.

But it has been worth the sleepless nights.

Because I achieved an A+ for my project.

I am so happy with myself!

Praise God.

Stupid computers not working well, crashes, taking forever to render, Frank not approving your design..

Is all in the past now.

The day couldn't come any faster because there was a point where I couldn't be bothered anymore but obviously I knew that I would be a fool to let it all slip away and settle for any old grade.

But I wanted an A.

I duly delivered.

Last time round when such a project was given to me, I somehow managed to get a B grade.

I don't really know how I managed it because my performance on the project was terrible. I probably only started it at most a month before the hand in date.

And throughout the summer holidays of 09', I was worried about the grade that lay ahead when I return from the Far East.

I remember that when I touched down onto Scottish soil that I was bursting to get home to open up that envelope to see what I had achieved.

Behold a B.

My goodness how did I manage that?

But I wasn't complaining.

I don't think my work was bad.

It's just I could have done so much better I think.

But c'est la vie.

But unfortunately the B grade did affect me later on...

In January I received the news that I had been rejected for application into Strathclyde University to undertake their architectural studies course without interview which would have enabled me to become an architect had I got in.

The night that I had realised this had happened, the following day I had an interview with Dundee University.

I've not had many interviews..

Probably could count how many with my fingers on one of my hands.

But if Carlsberg did interviews for architectural studies in Dundee University then this one wouldn't have been made by them.

It wasn't bad as such, but at the time I felt what a crushing blow.

The interviewer told me my skills are best served in another specialism...

A major rethink of what I'm meant to do with my life...

I think I took the interviewer's opinion onboard very quickly and rather than let the disappointment kill me...

I explored the option that he told me to have a look at.

I phoned.

I looked.

A door was closed.

In hindsight, I was kidding myself!

I am not fancy.

I am straight to the point.

And that is a negative if you want to be an architect.

I felt so stupid for being naive.

But just as things seemed to be at 'could be better' stage

Robert Gordon University of Aberdeen offered me a place onto the architectural technology course.

The course that the interviewer said I'd be most suited for.

I couldn't believe my eyes when I read my UCAS status next to their name.

Unconditional.

I still had three more universities to hear from but my mind had been made.

If I am to pursue further education, it will be in Aberdeen.

Of course it is miles and miles away from where I am.

A totally different country!

But I believe God is telling me to head that way.

There is nothing else for me here.

Jobs suitable for me are as common as the total eclipse.

So I think...

My body is in Aberdeen just now.

My head and heart in Glasgow.

It's hard to contemplate the next chapter of my life but for sure I never shy away from a challenge.

There won't be any trepidation.

I must be bold..

It's mind blowing how everything happens for a reason.

Things you wouldn't expect..

Things you wouldn't want to happen..

But somehow

Things turn out for the best.

And I believe my B grade in my first year Graded Unit has got me where I am today.

And for that I am blessed and thankful.

Anyways....

Let's not get carried away until I get an actual confirmation on a certificate to say that I got an A.

Unfortunately SQA don't do pluses or minuses after the grade.

Let me sleep!

PS. I Love You. my classmates I've met the last two years. All the best with your future.

A Bridge Too Far.

So it came to the boiling point yesterday.

Never has a hand shake been so scrutinised.

And in the end..

You probably know what happened.

I was hoping for a slap or some sort to get my blood boiling.

The villain receiving his dues from his victim.

The ultimate snub.

The least he should be receiving in my opinion.

What am I talking about for you news shy people;

John Terry and Wayne Bridge.

So the story begins when John Terry is found to have had an affair with Wayne Bridge's ex girlfriend, mother of his child, in their house, whilst Bridge's son was in there.

Some say Bridge is overreacting here but the fact that his one time friend Terry had sex with someone whilst his son was in close proximity was enough to tick him over.

And the fact that he is ticked over means Bridge still had feelings for her...

I can understand people with this argument.

But at the end of the day, John Terry did so much wrong than he did right.

First of foremost; He cheated.

What a scum for that!

Footballers get paid millions and millions, and for them to think that they're above the law and morals is a joke.

Look at Tiger Woods and how he has fallen from grace....

I'm not a judge.

I won't be the judge.

But I think I'm qualified enough to say what some people do, is wrong.

Secondly;

Bro before Ho.

It's like a rule within the male population that you shouldn't lay your eyes on someone's else other half.

Even says so in the Ten Commandments.

It's hard.

I know.

I've at times, looked at someone else's girl and wondered.

I've even come to like them more than I should.

But every time, I've had to suppress those feelings because it isn't right.

No matter how much you yearn for her, it won't happen for the duration that person is with another.

So for John Terry to like someone other than his wife..

For me, its so up the wall WRONG.

I sympathise with him to an extent..

But get a grip man.

But what's my point of this entry?

I wonder what the Christian viewpoint is regarding this story.

I've given you a brief background to it if you didn't already know.

I want to focus on the hand shake that wasn't.

Were all taught to love our enemies.

It is one of the hardest Commandments to adhere to.

And if I were in Wayne Bridge's situation, on the pitch, one time friend, betrayer, would I have shaken his hand?

I'd probably not.

I particularly would avoid shaking hands with him because if I did, it would look as if Terry had won the day.

Which he shouldn't win.

Saved his marriage he did.

Fair dos to his wife.

I don't condone divorces.

But when your spouse strays, you lose trust and wonder..

Is marriage even right for me?

Mend it, don't end it.

But I think Bridge will need to bury the hatchet at a later date.

He can't go on snubbing this no good fiend.

We've all made mistakes.

And unfortunately, he hasn't made one at all (in this case) and he is the victim...

The wound is so fresh.

Forgiveness isn't easy.

What would I do....

I don't know.

For sure I hope I won't have to figure that out.

But first and foremost is..

Forgive.

PS. I Love You.

Our Weakest Link.

I was walking to school the other day I saw a large flock of birds rather round this lady who by the looks of things, is their provider.

As in, she threw on the ground some bread crumbs or whatever it may be.

And the day before, I heard a sermon about how if we fixed our eyes on God then everything will turn out fine.

However that's not to say that bad things can't happen.

In everything we do, God will surely be with us.

So with that in mind.

Why is it I worry?

Well easy answer is its human nature to worry.

And the last time I checked, I am a human.

Not worrying about things is easier said than done.

You can take your mind of things for a period of time, but if you don't deal with it at some point, it will come back to haunt you.

Though digging deeper, its all about insecurities and anxieties.

That's why we worry.

I'm going through some at the moment in my life where I feel that a lot of uncertainty is weighing me down.

I have a lot of insecurities,

And lot of anxieties.

I'm the kind of person who takes life day by day.

Yes, I do plan what I want to do tomorrow, next week, next month.

But I haven't been one who looks too far ahead.

I guess sometimes for the surprise of what the new day will bring.

But for the majority, I guess looking too far ahead is maybe a little bit unrealistic.

I sound very pessimistic and I guess it kind of tells you the situation I find myself.

There's time in life where decisions are made and more likely than not, if you make the wrong choice, its very hard to correct.

I've made the bad choices years ago, and live to tell the tale.

But fortunately, I have been able to correct the wrong to an extent thus far.

However not as I would have ultimately hoped for, but I'm sure whatever lessons you learn in life will only make you stronger and wiser.

It's good you can atone for your errors.

I'm doing so right now.

But there's a point where its make or break.

And these coming months until late summer will be my make or break.

I've let my foot of the gas a lot.

But hopefully when my back is against the wall, that I will prevail and ultimately obtain my goal.

In the time of desperation, that I will excel beyond what is required.

Every day counts and I dare not look too far ahead.

Maybe I should because I look towards to a future I hope to have.

But importantly I should look also to the present to make sure I am not deterring away from the future.

What happens today shapes tomorrow.

I wish every new day was really a new day in that we start afresh.

But in saying that, we wouldn't have anything to look forward to if that did happen.

If God takes care of the birds, then He will take care of me,

Of you,

Of us.

But ultimately, worry about today.

Tomorrow will take care of itself.

PS. I Love You.

Unrequited Love Revisited.

Near the end of March of 2009, I wrote this blog ' Unrequited Love'

How come the most romantic things ever done have been done in movies so when, if you tried to reproduce it, the other half will say; how original? and in the movies, that person doesn't actually want to do those things in real life.

But I got a hold of Love Actually DVD in Christmas and I've actually not watched it up until now and though it think the movie isn't Richard Curtis' best (I prefer Notting Hill), there seems to be a developing trend in the movies that I've seen that he has written. And that is the pivotal scene...

In Notting Hill, the scene in which I believe tells the whole story is the scene where Anna Scott (Julia Roberts) stands in front of the boy, the man that she likes; William Thacker and sells her heart out. Up to this point they dated, comforted her, slept together, he'd had his heart broken because Anna is famous, and her love life is the stuff the papers write about and stuff. But at the end of the day, famous and all that, Anna is still just a girl. Standing in front of a boy. Asking him to love her.

And unfortunately for her, the "daft prick" William rejected her request.....

Though later realises his mistake and a mad dash across the poshest hotels in London, and he asks Anna to reconsider him, eventhough he had originally rejected her.

Lovely moment, I love the movie.

And in Love Actually, although not pivotal but the one that stands out from all the other scenes is the scene in which Mark (Andrew Lincoln) portrays or a better word/s; declares his feelings to Juliet (Keira Knightley). And unfortunately for him, she is someone that he can't have. Up to this point, Juliet had requested video tapes of her wedding, in which Mark was the groom's best man. Because Mark is best friends with her husband, she had been trying hard to at least be nice to him, and if anything, Mark was being nasty, cold towards her. But his feelings for her weren't known until one day Juliet went round to his for the videotape and when she began to watch it, the contents were just close ups of her. And then the scene in which captured my imagination is the one where he declares his feelings for her in the form of words on a card, and a good few of them along with some funny ones in between.

He set out "without hope or agenda" to tell her his feelings. And how after it, he has to move on. And that love is actually all around us. So when he had finished, he had walked a few yards from the door and Juliet runs and gives him a kiss.....

However as romantic as the whole thing may be, she did the right thing in fulfilling her marriage and ran back inside.

There he said Enough, enough now.

He moves on.

A movie, and a short story if it were. Both have a similar theme.... Both about someone who, more times than none, you would love to be with, but their just too far out of reach.

And if you look at my heading for this entry; Unrequited Love.

It is the hardest thing.

For you to love someone but not have them love you back... sucks.

And I've not been in that situation many times, but even liking someone very very VERY much, but she just think your just a friend, or your just a wee brother or an older brother to me. It really hurts!!

I can say fortunately I haven't found myself in that situation many times, because for me, if I like someone, I could go on liking them for years and years. Like for example, a girl that I liked during my school years lasted from primary 7 up until S4 maybe.

I guess that was young love, stupid immature. Don't know the basics of love. But funny to look at when reminiscing.

But giving up hope is the hardest thing to do.

I don't give up that easily with anything. Some say I may be stubborn, and I'd probably agree with them.

Maybe sometimes you gotta realise that when something isn't meant to be...

It isn't meant to be.

And the quicker you know it, the better.

No point in shoving a square peg in a round hole as they say.

I'm sure if something is meant to be, then give it time. It will happen in time.

We all want to be loved.

We all want to love someone.

But sometimes it's not the right time, not the right person...

Nothing ever happens the ways you want it to, especially in love.

I know I've had my fair share of disappointments in this area.

But each one.

I've let go and I'll try again.....

Don't awaken love until it so desires.

PS. I Love You.

So anyways 9 months down the line, I'd like to add to the above blog.

Lovefool.

Love makes you do tons of things you wouldn't do at any other point in your life.

I can't think of many examples of me personally doing something I wouldn't do if it weren't for love.

But I once did go on a diet because she told me to.

Healthy but dead arduous.

But when we do things for that certain someone and when it becomes a force of habit are we habouring a hidden motive?

I'm sort of speaking to the boys here because being one myself I know that, that is what we love to show to girls.

Correct?

Don't get me wrong, a girl might sort of like you because of your good deeds.

However it isn't all they look for.

Be careful boys because your good deeds might be taken for granted.

And girls, we don't like that.

But this can happen the other way too.

A lot of the times, we chase after things which don't necessarily want to be chased after.

The quicker you realise this, the better.

You spend everything you have to satisfy your desire.

Their need.

Yet their just taking advantage of you.

Really I don't think you should get to that stage.

Because really love should be a two way thing.

If only one is chasing and the other one just happily going through the emotions then there is no love between you that will last for any long period.

So relating it to us, he or she doesn't reciprocate that love we give them.

Why?

Only they know.

What's the point in chasing something, someone that doesn't want to be chased after?

I sound like a pessimist but in love I think you would have played your strong cards first before they see your tail end.

And if they saw that, trying to change their opinions of you is hard.

If they haven't started liking you after a while, take your good heart elsewhere.

PS. I Love You.

What Lies Beneath.

I don't usually do my dirty laundry online but in this instance I couldn't care if the person reads this because this person really ought to know that I'm not too pleased.

But out of the kindness of my heart, I don't state names on this blog.

Anyways.

Not much bothers me.

If something does annoy me then I try to think of a way around it or at least don't let it affect me.

And its quite ironic that in the hour previous I was at Sunday School teaching the kids to keep to themselves, and if anything annoys them that they should turn a blind eye to it..

However...

Something someone said to me really flustered me.

I'm kind of annoyed at this person for other reasons previous but being the person that I am, I don't let it affect our relationship as friends much.

I try to forgive.

Saying C'est la vie.

That's life.

It's really hard to think a couple of years ago, me and this person were the best of friends, but now life has taken us elsewhere.

And now, at times I'm really hurt, but for this person rather than myself.

I feel sad.

I feel bad that I have to bad mouth about it to extinguish my frustration.

I feel sad that they are who they are.

Because beneath it all.

I know who they are.

So many people with so many facades.

I wish they'd take it down and show us all who you really all are.

Why don't you give yourself and us a break and just be who you are.

No need to be nice if you don't want to.

Your only kidding yourself.

Sorry if you were expecting a love story blog.

But this one has been a labour of love coming to an end because I've decided that I can't entertain this person any longer.

I can only be civil and love from a distance.

But other than that, its too much at this moment in time.

PS. I Love You.

Conflict of Friends.

I really hate it when a couple of friends are at loggerheads.

One hand is your friend.

The other is your friend.

Which one do you help?

Try as you might to extinguish the situation for them, how do you do it without appearing nosy?

In situations like these you shouldn't remain silent.....

For long anyway.

I think things are better said than not said.

No matter how bad they are to hear.

You should practice being honest with each other.

Otherwise you'll never know what your doing right and what your doing wrong.

It really gets in my nerves when people can be so belligerent towards one another.

I hold up my hands.

I can be like that myself.

But I won't show it.

Nor will I act on it.

But I will not be like that to them for long.

If someone hurts me, I can be angry for a bit, but I won't keep it stored.

Sometimes the best of relationships are ruined because of the hurt.

Why?

Nothing can hurt that bad can it?

The pain of it only lasts as long as you want it to.

You control how much someone can hurt you.

And you control how long the pain will linger on for.

I don't know about you but I try to be everyone's friend.

Even if I don't achieve that, then at least be civil with them.

It hurts me to hurt someone.

I don't like doing it.

So that's why at the end of the night...

Beginning of the new day..

All is forgotten.

To me, you don't have to say sorry.

PS. I Love You.